Dedicated to the Great Lord, Darci, the only girl I ever really loved, my brother Rich, and his bride, Kathy. Please bear with me, it’s long, it’s worth the read however, I hope.
I don’t really know how to start this one off. There are so many things in my heart I wish to express, hopefully I can do it justice.
Let me start by giving a little background, Kathy, Rich and I grew up in the same church, it is also where I first met Darci, I was 10, she was 9. I remember the first time I saw her, as clear as if it were yesterday, it was truly love at first sight. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, nor could she take hers off me. We were boyfriend-girlfriend off and on through our early-mid teens. Kathy and Rich were childhood sweethearts through their teen years, Darci, I, Rich and Kathy used to double date before I was able to drive, or at least legally.
Darci and I parted when I was about 14, Kathy and Rich when they got somewhat older. Darci married at 15, then I married at 17. I got divorced at 19, when we were in our early 20’s we got together again. We were together for a time, went our ways again. Didn’t talk again until we were in our late 20’s. She doesn’t even remember talking to me then, however the Lord had been talking to me about her for at least a year or two when she called me. I didn’t know then though, that He was talking to me about her. I was dating and breaking up with a girl, I was dating at that time. A girl by the way, who I was dating for the simple reason, she reminded me of Darci.
I won’t tell you what all I was going through at the time, it was hell, cause I couldn’t figure out what was going on, I have always analyzed everything in my life. I must add, not long before this I had even questioned the existence of Jesus. To tell a little of what I experienced, it was like I was having one conversation with one person or a superior being i.e. God, through everyone I talked to. Let me try to explain to the best of my ability, I have always had a good memory and played back in my mind every conversation I have ever had with people, in the days after the conversation(s) took place, therefore I remembered them. For a number of weeks, before I figured out the Lord was talking to me, each person, (family, friends, acquaintances) I encountered and talked to, it was like an ongoing conversation with one person. On top of that, what they said when I encountered them, it was like they were even responding to what I was thinking or had been thinking at the time. It seemed to me, at least until I understood what was going on, they all knew what was going on and I was the only one in the dark. I kept asking them, “what’s going on?” My family thought I was going insane, I must say at times it felt like it. When I realized the Lord was talking to me it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew He was trying to get through to me on some things. However, I didn’t understand some or a lot of what He was saying at the time.
To tell you how I finally understood it was the Lord Jesus talking to me. It got to the point where I was so totally exhausted, mentally, physically, and spiritually that I could hardly even lift up my head. When I got to that point, one day my brother and I were going to help our dad on a job he was doing. We lived in California at the time, we were driving on the freeway, I was a wreck and the first time I forced myself to lift up my head, we just so happened to be going under an overpass that someone had painted graffiti on, I had seen a lot of graffiti as it is all over Southern California. However, this was not your normal gang related graffiti or someones art, this was simply where someone had painted, “Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus” over an over, they had made two rows of His name on the side of overpass. This was all I saw when I looked up. When I saw it, the greatest and most overwhelming love washed over me, it was like nothing I had ever felt, even though I had grown up in a very religious family and loved the Lord with all my heart as a child. See, I didn’t really figure out anything, He had to show me. I was so amazed He took the time with me, when that happened and it finally dawned on me “what was going on!“.
Now back to Darci and I, I had known (to some extent at least) since our teens that she & I were meant to be together, however I could not say the right words to make her see this. I can be blunt and matter of fact, I think, knowing her now, that she thought I was arrogant or something. I just tell it like I see it, the truth, no apologies, no beating around the bush. I think I knew when we first saw each other that she was the one, I was just too young to understand it. I asked my dad when I was very young how I would know when I found the “one“, I still remember that like yesterday too, he said “You’ll just know“. I can’t even begin to put in words how I loved, and wanted more than I had ever wanted anything, just to love and be loved by her. All that being said, I did not even then understand what all it meant, because I thought I could be happy with other women, not any woman, I have always had to have a love for anyone I was with, and since I always gave 110% (at least to begin with, just being honest) in any relationship. I always thought even though there is one perfect mate for everyone, I thought I could be happy with others who I had love for. After a number of relationships and two marriages, I figured out (after studying myself and my life) I would never be truly happy with anyone else. The Lord had to incapacitate me for a number of years and leave me house bound for me to take the time to really think about what I wanted in life, to study the life I had led, and the chronological events of my life, to truly understand this.
I never tried to go after her when we parted ways, because I knew it wouldn’t do me any good, until she understood what I had known for so long. I must say I had all but given up hope, that would ever happen, more on that in a bit. Every girl I was ever with, she was the yardstick, by which they were all measured, she was the standard that they were all put up against. I was never with any girl/woman that could make me forget her, nor, that could keep me from thinking of her. They of course never knew this, nor did she, until I told her here while back.
Back to her and I in a bit, let’s talk about my brother and Kathy. I love my brother more than life, I knew for years by watching him with girls other than Kathy that he had always been, was still in love with Kathy, even though he let her marry someone else without saying a word. I knew this by the girls he had relationships with the longest, cause they reminded me of Kathy, not the looks really, more the demeanor and personalities. He never dated anyone long unless they reminded me of her.
As I alluded to earlier, I tend to analyze things, “a lot” this is how I figure things out, although it drives some of those I am closest to nuts at times. LOL! I have to say, this is how God made me. I can remember conversations, situations, etc. verbatim. I will go over things in my mind long, long after they take place, when I am trying to figure out what’s going on. And, I’m always trying to figure out something that’s going on. LOL! I was told when I was 17 by a cop, I would make a great detective. There is also a bit of discernment involved, I think some of the people on twitter have seen this with me.
I talked to Kathy about 2 years ago, I said to her then “You know, Rich has always been stuck on you”. I don’t know how long after this, that they started talking on the phone to each other, maybe they already had been. I don’t think they were talking much if any though, they did however start talking, that led to dating, dating has led to marriage. They are getting married on the 23rd of June, which happens to be my mom & dads anniversary. I must say, I never knew how romantic my brother could be. I laugh at how he is with her, not because I think it is funny, but because I love them both so much and am overjoyed for them. To understand, why I say what I do, about how romantic he is with her, you’ll have to read the blog post I did, when I first found out they were dating. The Rise and Fall of my Big Brother I can’t tell you how many times he told me he’d never get married, he hadn’t ever met a girl who was worth it. I knew better….I have never seen him more tender than he is now with her, it truly touches my heart and makes me smile.
Now my bro just reached the half century mark, Kathy’s almost there, Darci and I are in our late 40’s. I don’t know if I truly understand all of the variables involved, in what took us all so long. Kathy, I think would have married Rich when they were together in their teens, had he straightened up, been responsible, etc. I don’t know, it might only have taken him asking her. He didn’t, whatever the case, so she moved on. I know I have waited a long time to see him happy, and I have never seen him more happy, than he is now. Maybe he just needed time to truly appreciate her, maybe he just needed to understand how much he needed her. I tend to think it is more the latter. Darci, well, I would have came to her no matter where, nor what time, or who I was with, all she ever had to do was ask. I know that I failed to make her understand how much I loved her. (I don’t however know what more I could have said, obviously there is more I could have done) I feel that it also had to do with me being so wild, and not so responsible myself at some levels. My bro and I are country boys, that could have something to do with why we were so wild for so long. However, I believe that it also has to do with the fact, that neither of us had what we wanted, and/or needed most in life. I always believed Darci loved me, I therefore could never understand why she didn’t see what I did. I never troubled her over it though, I knew she had to see it for herself.
I must add at this point that all of us have had our share of bad relationships and heartache. Now, Darci and I are back together, Kathy and my bro are back together. I don’t think any of us have ever been happier. Maybe we all just needed to understand how much we needed each other, time to truly appreciate what we have. I told them all the other day when a medical matter came up for Kathy, I had texted my bro, told him that I loved him, and was thinking of him. I then called our mother, she told me about Kathy. My bro texted me back about Kathy, asked me to pray. I told him “I already was, mom had just told me. I guess that is why I was thinking of you, love you” I went on to say “the Lord would not finally put us all, where we were always meant to be, to then take away what we needed all along. Perhaps we all need to consider Him more. I know I do……”
I then said “God is good, and Jesus loves us more than we could ever dream or imagine. We are truly blessed, can you imagine after all these years, He cared enough for each of us so very much (not just us as a whole, but each of us individually) to put us each, in the situation to bring us together, after all these years of failing to do it ourselves? He is truly AWESOME, I can’t thank Him enough, nor could I ever, not just for what He has done for Darci and I, but also for you bro, and Kathy. You have no idea how many years I wished and hoped you’d wake up to what I knew so long ago, just by observing your relationships and the girls you dated the longest. I truly could not be happier for you bro, you deserve it. My happiness for you is equaled only by my own happiness for Darci and I.”
To truly understand what the Lord has done, let me point out. I am in my late 40’s, I was in my late 20’s when the Lord was telling me things about me, my future, etc. things that I am only now, understanding what He meant, and that He had been talking to me then about Darci. Not just talking to me about her, He told me things then, about what He wanted from me. Things that I have only learned since Darci and I got together at Thanksgiving of this last year, (2011) what He meant by the things, He told me then. I have this thing, like I said, I remember everything. He told me things then, that He knew I would not understand till now, some of those things, it’s amazing. The understanding, of some of those things He told me then, comes with some simple little statement she makes now, that ties in with what He told me then. When this happens, it hits me like a ton of bricks, so that is what He meant. One of those things, understanding came when I was doing her genealogy and I looked up the meaning of her name. He knew I would not understand it till I did, so He put me in the situation that caused me to get into genealogy. It was long after He had told me what He did about her in this instance, that I became interested in genealogy. Had I not gotten into genealogy a number of years ago. I would never have looked up what her name meant, as I did a few weeks ago. I can look back now, and see how He tried with us all, to get us together, straighten us out, practically our whole lives. We were all just too caught up in ourselves, I would bet all of us had all but given up on love, happiness, when He was finally able to open us all up, to what we needed to do, to get where we needed to be.
For those that think the Lord does not interfere in the affairs of men, or believe, that He does not deal with individuals. You better think again. I have learned in the last 20+ years there are no coincidences in this life, there are only things that we fail to understand their meaning. Do not ever doubt the love of God, nor Jesus. Jesus’ love surrounds us, it is in everything He created.
God bless and keep you all, always, in all your ways. I hope that each of you who read this find the love and happiness, we have all found in Jesus!
See also A Further Testament of the Love of our Lord Jesus Christ as shown in my life
The Wisdom and Love of God as Shown by His Creation by Noah Webster